feministunderwear:

• “Thank You for Understanding How Important the NBC Thursday Night Comedy Lineup is to My Well Being”
• “Let’s Eat A Lot of Birthday Cake and Then Potentially Have Sex But Only If I’m Not Too Full”
• “I’d Love to Sit At Starbucks With You For a Few Hours and People Watch”
• “Tell Me I’m Funny Or I Will Throw Myself Out of This Window”
• “You are Definitely At Least Marginally Attractive”
• “I Would Break Up with You For Ellen Page But I Still Love You”
• “If You Call Me Babe or Baby or Honey or Lover or Lovekins I Will Actually Murder you in Cold Blood”
• “I Have a Lot of Anxiety About Whether You’ll Get Along with My Family”
• “I Knew I Loved You When My Best Friend Said She Thought You Were Great”
• “I Want to Make Out With You in Public But Only When I’m sure The Area Is Gay Friendly Enough for Us Not To Get Hate Crimed”
• “Let’s Get Stoned and Watch The Daily Show”
• “Our Wedding Will be Harry Potter Themed And Hopefully Legal By the Time We’re Ready to Get Married”
• “Let’s Talk Passionately for Several Hours About Our Favorite Fandoms”
• “You and Me are My New OTP”
• “Thank You For Not Commenting on My Lady Mustache”
• “You are Not Like a Virgin So Thank God for Small Miracles”
• “No You Cannot Read My Old Fanfiction, Sweetheart, but Nice Try”
• “I Would Still Be Attracted to You If You Shaved Your Head Because I Don’t Adhere To Patriarchal Beauty Standards”
• “I Borrowed Your Eyeliner and You’re Not Getting it Back”
• “The Last Time I Resorted to Stress Eating Was Before I Met You So I Guess That’s a Good Sign”

dying tbh at tell me i’m funny or i will throw myself out of this window and you and me are my new otp